Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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