You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who died my cat blue again?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
