She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
