He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
