I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
