so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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