Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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