She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
