tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
