ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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