toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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