Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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