at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
