she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
