i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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