i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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