real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize