Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
