halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize