Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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