.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
