I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
