never play flip cup with pint glasses
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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