I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
