i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
