mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
