My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
