Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
