I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
