nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
