Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
