the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
