Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
