Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
