Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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