my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
