wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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