We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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