OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
