Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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