I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
