I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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