she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
