i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
