I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
