i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
