Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm like, not good at living.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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