hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
