Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
