Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
