I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i out mim tonsoeep
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