I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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