Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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