Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
