We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
