I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
