I wanna passion pit in your ass
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
