oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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