Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
