it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
