Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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