i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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