If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
not ubering you a puppy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
