News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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