I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
