I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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