At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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